She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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