just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
