dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
