Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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