I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
