So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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