Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize