we have pet lesbian snakes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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