Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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