Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
