My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
