fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
