seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
