Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
