i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
