Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
