he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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