I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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