just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I had to cum in my sink.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize