just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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