there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
