she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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