If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
His hands were made for my vagina.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
