I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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