i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you will always have a special place in my vag
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
