I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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