Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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