My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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