We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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