Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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