Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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