Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
