I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
