your parents love me but you hate me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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