She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
