Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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