were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
