john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
