i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
