you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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