Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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