dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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