The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
