So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
