1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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