Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
