Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
