How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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