Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize