Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
