of course. lets lasso hookers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
