I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
