i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
