If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
