I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
