How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
zippers are such a cool invention
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
