I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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