HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize