It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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