How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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