I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
