Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
