I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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