if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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