he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
