i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Rumble strips road head = magical
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
