You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
