u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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