Will you blow on my dice?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
