forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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