What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
