My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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