just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
