I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
