Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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