All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Randomize
