i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
