can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
