I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
