On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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