Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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