note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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