I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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