We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize