Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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