i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
