I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have tasted many bathrooms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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