Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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