You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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