STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
