My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
