am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
