And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
