Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he thought i was a dude.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can I color on your dick again?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
