Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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