just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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